> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://members.ericatrestynlcsw.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # The weight you carry after the weight is gone - URL: https://members.ericatrestynlcsw.com/the-weight-you-carry-after-the-weight-is-gone/ - Published: 2026-11-05T12:00:00.000Z - Updated: 2026-11-05T11:59:59.000Z - Author: Erica Trestyn - Tags: Food & Body Image, Mind-Body Wellnes, Mind-Body Therapy, Perfectionism, Body Image, Emotional Well-Being, Online Therapy New Jersey, Online Therapy New York, Self-Care ## **What I've learned about judgment, fear, and making peace with my body** I recently shared how my relationship with food began, and how I eventually decided to take care of my body in a new way. I ended that post by saying that loving my body has been a constantly evolving process. This week, I want to talk about the part of that process people don't usually see. More than ten years ago, when I was working as a health coach, I wrote a blog post about my story. In it, I described looking back at the person I used to be: a scared and lonely girl hiding from the world, self-conscious and insecure. Then I wrote one more line: *"I am reminded of a girl who I never want to be again."* When I reread that line recently, it stopped me. Because if I'm honest, that fear has never fully gone away. ## **Judgment doesn't disappear when your body changes** For most of my life up until now, I lived in a larger body, and I felt judged for it constantly. I felt people noticing what was on my plate (or what wasn’t). I heard comments, some meant kindly and some not. I was treated differently, and I could feel it, even when no one said a word. What surprised me was what happened after my body changed. The judgment didn't disappear. It just changed shape. People complimented me in ways that stung: “You look amazing now.” *Now.* People asked how I did it, as if my body had become a public project. Some still watched what I ate, only now they were looking for my secret. What hurt the most was that some people didn’t believe I had done it myself. I had changed my life through hard work, healthier habits, and, most of all, learning to love myself. But some people assumed I must have had surgery, as if they were entitled to know, or decide, how I had done it. It was just another form of judgment: people deciding they knew my story better than I did. That’s the part I didn’t expect. Years of judgment from other people had become a voice inside my own head. I had lost weight, but I hadn’t lost that voice. I once wrote about having lunch with a dear friend and telling her that, even after everything I had changed, I still didn't feel good enough. I remember the confused look on her face. From the outside, my life had transformed. On the inside, I was still that girl who believed her worth depended on her size. ## **My biggest fear** Here is something I don't say out loud very often: my biggest fear is becoming that same size again. I know that fear isn’t really about a size. It’s about remembering how it felt to be judged, and how hard I was on myself back then. I know how that might sound coming from a therapist who writes about body image. But I promised myself that this blog would be about real life, and this is mine. The fear shows up in small ways. When my clothes fit differently. When I catch my reflection on a hard day. When I notice the old pull to either clamp down on what I eat or stop paying attention altogether. Years ago, I described it as a tug-of-war: I didn't want to restrict too much because I was afraid it would lead to bingeing, and I didn't want to give myself permission to eat whatever I wanted because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop. That tug-of-war is quieter now. But it hasn't disappeared completely, and I've stopped expecting it to. ## **What I believed then, and what I know now** When I reread my old posts, I feel a lot of tenderness for the woman who wrote them. She was working so hard. She also believed some things I see differently today. Back then I wrote that if you looked in the mirror and told yourself *you loved your body*, the negative thoughts would disappear. I wrote that if you thought positive thoughts, positive results would follow. I understand why I believed that, and positive thinking can help. But as a therapist, I’ve learned it isn’t the only way to change how we see ourselves. You can’t positive-think your way out of years of judgment. Trying to force yourself to love your body can become one more standard you feel you’re failing. ### Here's what I have learned: - **Fear is not failure.** Feeling afraid of going back doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It often means you remember how much it hurt. - **Feelings aren’t always facts, and not every voice in my head is mine.** When I feel “not good enough,” I ask whose voice that really is. Often, it’s one I learned from someone else, not one I’d choose for myself. - **You don't have to love your body to treat it with respect.** Some days, the most honest thing I can offer my body is neutrality: "This body got me through today." That counts. Thanking my body for showing up for me in the ways that it does is what counts. - **The judgment was never the truth about you.** Weight stigma is real, and it shapes how people are treated in doctors' offices, workplaces, and families. Absorbing it doesn't make it accurate. - **Your worth was never tied to your size.** Not then, and not now. I'm still learning this one. ## **Try the fact or feeling check-in** ### The next time a hard feeling about your body shows up, try slowing down with these questions: - **What exactly am I feeling right now?** Name it as specifically as you can. - **Is this a fact or a feeling?** “My jeans feel tight today” is a fact. “I’m losing control and everything will fall apart” is a fearful thought (which leads to feelings). - **Whose voice does this sound like?** Is it yours, or one you learned from someone else? - **What’s one neutral, true thing about my body today?** “My legs carried me through a long day.” “My body let me hug someone I love.” - **What’s one caring thing I can do next?** Eat a regular meal, rest, move in a way that feels good, or reach out to someone. Feelings are real, but they aren’t always based on facts. The goal is to keep them from making your decisions for you. ## **A reflection for real life** This is the month of gratitude, so I'll end with this: I'm grateful for the girl I used to be. I spent years trying to get away from her. These days, I'm trying to understand her instead. She was doing her best to cope with a world that wasn't very kind to her. I am also grateful for everything she taught me about who I am today and I wouldn’t change any part of my story. If you're carrying judgment from your past, or a fear of what your body might do in the future, you're not alone, and you don't have to carry it by yourself. ## **Is body image affecting how you feel about yourself?** If parts of this post feel familiar, my free [**Food Guilt and Body Image Self-Assessment**](https://www.ericatrestynlcsw.com/self-check/food-body-image) can help you take a closer look at your patterns, such as letting your body image shape your mood, comparing yourself to others, or feeling guilty after eating. This self-assessment is intended for personal reflection. It does not provide a diagnosis or replace an evaluation from a qualified mental health professional. Take the **free self-assessment** [**HERE**](https://www.ericatrestynlcsw.com/self-check/food-body-image)ifbody image, food, or fear of change are taking up more space than you'd like, therapy can be a supportive place to explore where these patterns began. I offer online therapy for adults in New Jersey and New York, with insurance and out-of-network options available. **Book a free 30-minute consultation** [**HERE**](https://www.ericatrestynlcsw.com/contact)**.** **Enjoyed this reflection.** Subscribe to Reflections for Real Life and get each new post in your inbox weekly [**HERE**](https://www.ericatrestynlcsw.com/subscribe). > *If your relationship with food feels out of control or you are concerned you may be struggling with an eating disorder, specialized support can help. The National Alliance for Eating Disorders offers a free helpline staffed by licensed therapists at (866) 662-1235, Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. ET. In an emergency, call 911 or 988.*